It’s unlikely that your parents taught you everything you know unless you had a great relationship with them. However important and potentially life-changing, relationship skills cannot be learned just by “winging it.”.
Relationship conflict can be handled in several ways that seem to be effective but are not. In the end, these techniques have only one goal: to make you feel better in the short term, at the expense of your relationship’s prospects in the long run.
Here are some mistakes you should avoid:
- The use of gifts as a patch for a massive wound. So now you want to shower your partner with a tropical getaway. Have you been caught having an affair? Does he dislike the fact that you allowed your mother to move in without consulting him? Because of the guilt trip, he may place on you; you may allow him to have the sports car he has always wanted that the family finances probably can’t afford. To put a bandaid on the problem.
- The solution to relationship issues is not to cover them with money or exciting diversions. The same problem will likely return, only this time it’s stronger.
- Using hints as an effective communication method. Your partner can miss the message. Sometimes, they get the message, but they don’t like the fact that you’re dropping hints instead of being direct.
- Be clear about what you want and need. The chances of your wishes being respected are much higher this way.
- Putting the relationship at risk. You destabilize a relationship if you threaten it as a way to get what you want. The most insecure people would only tolerate this tactic. The other person is aware that doing anything wrong could result in you leaving them.
- When you use drama to get what you want, you increase the intensity and frequency of drama in the relationship. The short-term gain might be favorable, but the long-term cost will be enormous.
- Behaviors are indicative of passive-aggressiveness. You are again dropping hints, only the message is less clear, and you are punishing the person in the process. Your partner needs to know what you want. Be considerate and assertive.
- It’s not as simple as you might think to punish your partner while staying under the radar, and the future may hold the same treatment for you.
- Going Tit for tat. This is one you’re familiar with. Due to your failure to attend his last softball game, he uses that as an excuse to skip out on the barbecue with your family. Resentment results whenever you use past adverse events committed by your partner to justify your poor behavior.
- It also holds the other way around. It doesn’t foster a culture of relationship growth to track your good deeds until your partner has equaled the score.
- Neglecting to be responsible for your happiness. Is your partner responsible for your lack of joy? Are you blaming your partner for your negative emotions? Do you pout if she goes out with her friends for a night on the town? Do you blame her for making you feel bad?
- Co-dependence is evident in this case. It is your responsibility to manage your emotions, and your partner is responsible for their feelings.
You should avoid using these relationship killers. Be aware of the fact that your partner is not the same every day. It’s the same for you. Some days you will get more out of them than others. A successful relationship should also be based on the ability to communicate directly and fairly. It would help if you also took responsibility for your emotions.
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